Strangers Have The Best Candy

Like Cats?

2007-03-27T13:43:53Z

It's a caturday slide show!
http://www.cayton.org/misc/funny/cats/

What Be Your Nerd Type?

2007-03-26T16:04:01Z

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Literature Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Unique

2007-03-26T02:27:11Z

Mouse taunts man, makes off with his dentures

2007-03-25T20:07:30Z

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17773580/

This is hilarious and not a joke!

I want to visit this place some day!

2007-03-25T00:39:34Z

A mysterious ancient town of Petra in Jordan, explored in 1812, is famous for being composed of marvelous stone structures, resembling Roman architecture, carved into the rock. Not more than 1/3 of the city is explored, so that the question of who built it and for which purposes still remains open...

My Johari's Window

2007-03-24T20:10:14Z

Fill it out for me! http://kevan.org/johari?view=rexs_wife

Although I can't drink at the moment, I still had to post this. Dear Alcohol..........

2007-03-24T17:31:55Z

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around at the holidays, hidden inside chocolates, as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m.

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with fire sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale bbq chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic heater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock. (And i know what my bathtub looks like i don't need a close up of it after falling off the pot, it's really hard to get outta there.)

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully, we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon 5. Statistic

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity 2. British Constitution 3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
6. Fight? No way. Let's sit down and talk this out
7. Text message? No I have sent enough for the night
8. Dance? No I shouldn't. I should just sit here on the barstool

Why Parents Drink

2007-03-11T02:16:34Z

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, Tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion... Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love,
Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

A friend sent this to me. She knew I'd like it.

2007-02-25T19:44:55Z

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.

Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Swallowing Coins
1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test

2007-02-24T22:58:35Z

The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test
Category	Your Score	Average LJer
Community Attachment	32.26% There's something special about you. Every once in awhile, one of your topics gets everyone chatting.	22.61%
MemeSheepage	56.14% I am but one quiz among millions. My brethren surround me on the page.	27.87%
Original Content	59.68% Using LiveJournal to express a few strong opinions	37.86%
Psychodrama Quotient	24.1% Known to go off without warning	16.73%
Attention Whoring	18.18% Slothfully Seeking Susan	20.65%
Take The Ultimate LiveJournal Obsession Test and see how you match up! (By The Ferrett)

Vista Sucks!

2007-02-10T16:55:46Z

I've not been updating much because windows Vista sucks. Do not buy it. I have much more to say, but the screen would probably freeze before I was through typing it out. We'll have Windows XP back soon. I have been trying to read my friends page though.

Friends Quiz

2007-01-12T02:06:14Z

Take My Quiz on
QuizYourFriends.com

Click the take this quiz button when you get to the page.

Cattell 16 Factor Test Results

2007-01-10T04:13:44Z

Cattell 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Liveliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Social Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Abstractness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Introversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Independence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Tension	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%

Cattell's 16 Factor Key

Factor	low score	high score
Warmth	cold, selfish	supportive, comforting
Intellect	instinctive, unstable	cerebral, analytical
Emotional Stability	irritable, moody	level headed, calm
Aggressiveness	modest, docile	controlling, tough
Liveliness	somber, restrained	wild, fun loving
Dutifulness	untraditional, rebellious	conforming, traditional
Social Assertiveness	shy, withdrawn	uninhibited, bold
Sensitivity	coarse, tough	touchy, soft
Paranoia	trusting, easy going	wary, suspicious
Abstractness	practical, regular	strange, imaginative
Introversion	open, friendly	private, quiet
Anxiety	confident, self assured	fearful, self-doubting
Openmindedness	closeminded, set-in-ways	curious, exploratory
Independence	outgoing, social	loner, craves solitude
Perfectionism	disorganized, messy	orderly, thorough
Tension	relaxed, cool	stressed, unsatisfied

Get off your ass

2007-01-09T15:29:16Z

Look at this!
http://www.ziff.net/404/404.htm

Friend For A Day

2007-01-09T02:23:13Z

Get the code (?)

Spiders on drugs

2007-01-06T21:31:42Z

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=8efcc0f08d&p=1

Einstien the bird

2006-12-25T23:26:27Z

Merry Christmas

Scam artist scamming a scam artist.

2006-12-16T16:52:43Z

I haven't laughed so hard in a while!
http://www.419eater.com/html/bigman.htm

Xmas Stocking

2006-12-12T02:02:37Z

Xmas Stocking

leave a gift for rexs_wife

get your stocking

letssaythanks.com

2006-12-12T01:48:52Z

http://www.letssaythanks.com

You can create a greeting card and the website will print it out & send it to the troops! Its free to you, costs a minute of your time! Spread some holiday cheer! :]

The Sentry

2006-12-03T00:10:49Z

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."
"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

Written by:
LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq.

Ghostly

2006-12-03T00:01:59Z

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his
laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied, "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."

Funny Shirt

2006-12-02T23:36:59Z

What's your Seduction Style?

2006-12-01T16:46:02Z

In other news my husband has decided to cancel Christmas if I don't get the house clean to his standards. Everyone but him thinks the house is clean. He's fucking crazy sometimes!

Strange USA

2006-11-29T18:30:27Z

http://www.strangeusa.com/index.asp

Cool stuff, but only if you like stuff like ghosts and aliens.